


You

by Brotal24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Fluff and Angst, I Tried, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 21:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16026617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brotal24/pseuds/Brotal24
Summary: How often does he allow it to happen? He never admits to his entire manly, fucked up life, Dean wanted him. And so does Cas towards him. Why did he regressed when they’re too close to stepping on that line? Too close for Dean to reach back to Cas.Denial™





	You

**Author's Note:**

> My english grammar is off away to Mars.

Dean perked his ears at the murmur of the rain thrumming on the ceiling. The clack of each drop touching the roof calmed his sense and restless mind as he peered at the timber fiber on the stand. Back in point, he set under the dash and accept each drop thump his skin. The spray of rain laved his sins for a brief traverse of a time with the earth as the mark of his susceptibility. How it washed off the tears he no means to shed since his life story turned sideways and black.

 

 

His emotions stay. The power of caring for the angel escalated each moment he stares into his little boy blue eyes and that overwhelmed Dean. When the moment arrives he requires letting him pass without knowing the chance to acknowledge is terrifying than he expected. Sometimes, it’s not a misreading to choose, but things have its plan to set up and enhance that border between them.

 

 

With the course they led, it’s tying up the unseen knots with your voice under the flood. Damn, he knows miscommunication was the early enemy stood between him and Cas. But he’s too familiar that the vaster problem rests with him. Cas laid his love out for him to show it, but never demands for him to retaliate.

 

 

And he can’t fault the angel for not pouring out the grains in one move. Cas feared and predicted for him to batter out. He doesn’t care if he broke as long as Dean can get it. Dean recognizes it. And he calls for it.

 

 

Things he chose had to hear Cas’ laugh with his stiff and foolish jokes. Throws lame pick up lines and movie reference just to have a peek of his head tilt. Sloppy kisses between intervals at random diner. Hands fumbling underneath without Sam’s recognizing and joking. Caress Cas’ ear, unshaven jaw, and his lips.

 

 

Traced the pleats on his forehead to the bridge of his nose. Stroke Cas’ corrugated yet soft pink mouths, and on the curve ends of his hair while staring up into his sharp blue ocean eyes. Clumsy handshakes an exempt to hold Cas’ hand. Sing his favorite songs to Cas and danced with him. Kiss him for the world to know.

 

 

Quiet I love you’s over the phone or whenever he zapped out. But, he’s worried, frightened, messed up on his desires that’s worse than an acid reflux and heartburn. The realization they are both drained of dancing around each other is sipping his strength in a flash. Cas was further by losing his grasp. If Dean will yell at him one further time and went on holding himself when soever, Dean makes the 360-degree escape. Cas died in front of him, didn’t even save him.

 

  
How often does he allow it to happen? He never admits to his entire manly, fucked up life, Dean wanted him. And so does Cas towards him. Why did he regressed when they’re too close to stepping on that line? Too close for Dean to reach back to Cas.

 

  
Cas halted flicking the book of lore and shut it. His little boy blue eyes turned pierced bore into Dean seated across the table. Maybe he heard his thoughts. That could be a simple way of telling him the truth instead of voicing it out. He clasped his hands above the book as realization dawned on his features.

 

 

  
Dean swallowed the bile and the urge to not acknowledge the elephant in the room with a monkey in tow clapping the cymbals to irritate him. He licked his lips, “It doesn’t just..we needed you is the reason you’re brought back.”

 

 

  
He doesn’t understand why his voice quivered. He doesn’t want to know why there is a yellowish spot on the cream colored wall. He crinkled his nose upon the sharp, strong smell of citrus and chlorine wafted in their motel room. The light illuminated on Sam’s laptop in front of him made him winced.

 

 

  
Cas sighed and leaned back in his seat as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “What is it then?” His calm tone was a mask as sadness screaming the way he looked at Dean. The light slid from the window with coral green blinds cascaded his features.

 

 

  
Dean clenched the meat of his thigh. “I prayed for it.”

 

 

  
Cas considered the words he said and let it sank between them. “Because you needed me.” His eyes riveted on the table. Because even though how adamant Dean engaged the subject, there’s a 100% he’ll recoil and most of the times drop it. Cas expected it as his shoulders sagged.

 

 

  
“Yes, and not just--“ Dean took a deep breath, stood and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not just as a weapon, Cas, or we’re just using you--You’re family.”

 

 

  
“I know.” Cas lifted his shoulders in a shrug, “The thing I don’t understand is why you keep shoving me away. But maybe because I confessed what I felt for you. I know you’re..” He does the air quotes, “Freaking out. Don’t worry, I’m aware of where should I stand. I don’t want to add up the pressure and burden on you.”

 

 

  
Dean’s brow furrowed, stuffed his hands in his pockets. He’s aware of where this conversation going. “What? No, you’re--“ He clamped his mouth shut and took a deep breath.

 

 

  
Miscommunication is cackling in the corner for this evade drama thing he unleashed. “I’m sorry for..you felt that way. But, man, I didn’t mean it, okay? There were things I--“ The things he’d said back when he didn’t save his mom and Jack from AU world, grinding his guts and, stabbing Cas’ feelings. He took a deep breath again and clutched the edge of the chair.

 

 

  
There’s no way he could dodge this confrontation. Cas deserves to know whether or not he likes it. He straightened up, walked across the table with his chair in tow, and sat next to Cas.

 

 

Dean didn’t miss Cas inhaled a sharp breath beside him, shoulder rigid. “You know the moment you..died over there..in front of me... I don’t know what to do after that-- I wanted you back with me whatever it takes. I know how selfish that is..But every damn time, I failed you..” He wiped his mouth as he stopped the tears from spilling. “..and that one there when Lucifer stabbed you, was the last straw.”

 

 

 

Cas’ eyes widened as realization dawned in his face. He touched his arm. “Dean, you didn’t..”

 

 

 

Dean nodded, “It’s the Winchester sick way to bring back the person they love. But,even Billie, the new death, doesn’t take the bait.” He smiled, “I failed you many times..and I can’t..I mean you suck at goodbyes. You’re the last one who will stand by me no matter what crap happens.” He held Cas’ gaze. “What matters is we’re on the same page…right?”

 

 

  
Cas blinked, reached out and hug Dean in an awkward embrace. “Dean. We’re better together.” He looked Dean in the eye, “And it’s enough. You, here, is enough.”

 

 

 

Dean’s stomach churned as he clutched Cas’ lapels. Tears stinging in his eyes and as he blinked, the unshed tears before, streamed down his face. Cas swipe the tears away with his thumb. A smile graced his lips, a contented, real smile. Dean stood up and embraced him in his arms.

 

 

 

He rested their foreheads and shut his eyes. Cas’ warm breath mingled in his own. A whiff of cinnamon and watermelons greeted his nostrils. Their lips brushed as they held each other. He could kiss him, but this right here is more than just a kiss he longed for.

 

 

 

They reached the peak and enjoying it together is indescribable. But saying the words he can’t utter the one thing he wanted. No right words or right time but, he can change that. Dean’s chest tightened and uttered Cas’ name in a broken whisper as the broken pieces in him stick together. He knows and felt that every time he looks into his eyes, there’s acceptance and love.

 

 

 

And that he falls in love without knowing. He doesn‘t just needed him, he wanted him. Cas was the rain who brings back the life in him and Dean’s the desolate earth with huge cracks yearning for water. Cas who sees, accepted, had faith in him, and put him back together every time he breaks into pieces. The angel who fell for him.

 

  
“I want to say it and you deserve to hear this..” Dean whispered as he carded Cas’ soft tufts and cupped his face. Electric jolts tingled over his body up to the tips of his hair. “I want you around me.. always... I’m glad it’s you who rescued me from hell..it’s you this time. With my fucked up life, you are a blessing in disguise I will never forget. I will always need you, want you and keep you here.” He pointed on his heart. The sappy sap, Dean Winchester way only for Cas. “Is that okay to you?”

 

 

 

Cas’ breath hitched, blue eyes coruscated, lips quivered. He clutched Dean’s sleeve and breathed his name back, a whispered prayer and a plea. Dean’s heart responded with a thump, nose exhaled a breath he held on for years of pushing away the way he felt for Cas. He shuttered his eyes as he felt Cas kissed his forehead and at his eyelid. A soft, lingering, chaste kiss. Sweet like pie. Calm and a great solace like home.

 

 

 

Dean opened his eyes as Cas leaned away. His eyes widened seeing tears streamed from Cas’ face. The bark of laughter escaped Cas’ lips made his heart skip a beat. The way Cas’ nose crinkled, pearly white teeth and crows feet showed, blue eyes brighten gazing at him. That’s the first check on his want list.

 

 

 

“More than okay, Dean. We deserve this..” Dean reached out and wiped the tears on Cas’ cheek with a swipe of his thumb. Cas leaned on his touch, caught Dean’s hand, and entwined their fingers. Words are not their forte and let their actions speak for what their hearts yearned.

 

 

 

Dean’s hand splayed on Cas’ lower back, and ran soothing gentle circles, tracing up his spine. He held Cas’ warm gaze as he ran his fingers on his palm. The rain outside calmed. Until the sun peered and unveiled the dark clouds away. It’s not just a new beginning, but, a new hope flared up to life. Maybe this time, Dean will not just let the good times roll. But accept and savor every moment.

 

 


End file.
